My Dearest Dame -1

 

I have become so much tired of you, that now I am beginning to lose my sanity. I apologize to begin my letter as such, but that's all that's left of me. I have burned my soul to please you, and in a way it has all the more displeased you. I have nothing of any substance left within me to conquer this world, which once I thought was an easy job. 

Let me not lament about my misfortunes any more. When I wanted your cooperation and support, you have left me stranded on a mirage. Earlier I could view my path, now it has been obliterated by thoughts which are alien to myself. You would blame me of the mishappenings as I would likely blame you. It's human behavior to turn a blind eye to self-committed errors. Let's end this blame game, and since we are not on any more nonsense mode, it would be apt I rekindle the old glory of my thoughts which has deserted my mind. 

For once, I hoped I would address you with your favorite word- Dearest, but then you would come to bite me like a serpent who comes after it's saviour. It's better for me to abandon this word altogether, and just address you as "My Old Dame".

Let's not talk just about myself and us, but rather I would talk about everything I see in general and it might guide the multitude of visitors on this website in a way, that's less contradictory to the conscience and more appealing to the soul. 

It's more than seven years of acquaintance for us, and unfortunately it's less than seven times we have had the fortune to hold each other's hands. Should I just admire the softness of your hands or describe the warmth of your touch? It's better we would have felt it as we lived and re-lived the moments. You were like a gush of fresh air. An average looking girl to the rest of the world, but a beautiful gem in my eyes. I had my dreams and I decided to exchange some for you. You were priceless for me, and you were 'my old dame'. 

04.Aug.25

Expectations are a killer dearest. Many a good relationship have been destroyed due to unhealthy expectations. I had lot of expectations from you, 'my old dame', and I presume you too had a lot from me. I failed, and that's how things end. Someone or the other fails and who would want a loser as a companion? Maybe that's why I chose the better one. 

What you have failed to realize that I have lived long enough to become a villain in your eyes. Had a died earlier, loving you solely, you would have loved me as your hero, and adored me all your life in the secret chambers of your heart. Though I am sure, I wouldn't be the only man in your life. Someway one of us would have been the villain, and I'm glad I am the one! 

This world is too deceitful, and I believe I am not so much innocent now. I have learned the art to be a deceitful person and sugar coat my flaws so that I may seem the most perfect human being on earth. I will earn my place as the most hated cheats in this world, who used a good old dame to his own profit. That's how I have made peace with myself. I have accepted myself as the antagonist in the story written by my own hands. It's best that I be that helps my own good. Who cares about others? Altruism and self-sacrifice are for the delusional, who thinks the world is a perfect place and God watches and rewards people of their good behavior and thoughts. I have had the most weird thoughts and I have done weird things to displease God. Maybe I will be punished for my sins, but then I will have no regrets that I am being punished for doing nothing. At least not like those whom God punishes for nothing, and they live in their delusion that God is testing them. 

05. Aug. 2025

Today is a day, I would feel overwhelmed doing nothing. I wonder what I will do today. Duty and existence has become a burden for me. I have no intention to exist but for the sake of the roots that I have spread underground. You wanted to own my complete self - the whole of me. And what did you think was I doing? 

Every day I thought I could be with you. Every single day I thought of you, and how we could be together. I don't know what the solution was. I would think about it. And nothing came into my head except for giving up all that I had and striving out once again. It's a difficult thing, but I had you in my mind which led me to take the risk. People here think me I did a stupid thing, but I don't regret my decision.