Meenu - Part 3

 I had this uncanny feeling that nobody would like my work. Well, I wasn't a professional artist. I was more of a guy who loved physics and mathematics. But one thing was sure, I had no unique direction in life. And that time my only direction in life was Meenu, and the means to bring her to myself. 

Meenu had a strong character. I felt I was the one with flaws. Meenu would seldom look at me, and even when she did in my way, it would be a brief glance. I craved for her attention, and I wondered what would the probability be if I approached her and asked her hand. I was in a ditch, with no earnings and here I was thinking of marriage. I however had the insight that if I approached Meenu, and she said "Yes", given that the probability was low, it would be more meaningful for me. It would give me a greater happiness that I had conquered something that was difficult to achieve. Conversely, if the probability was high, and Meenu accepted my offer with a "Yes", it wouldn't be a surprise for me.
Again going on the negative side, as the probability was low, and Meenu would reject my proposal with a "No", would be painful to my heart but not to my rational mind. It was something that I had expected. If, I had high expectations of a "Yes", and if Meenu would have said "No", to my proposal, it would be a broken heart with a broken mind. I wouldn't see that coming and it would be more of a disaster. That's where people kill themselves or change their character/nature.
Maybe emotions and mathematics are correlated. I spent a week thinking about Meenu and the probability of our union. My heart and mind would be sometimes elated and sometimes depressed depending upon the outcome I thought of.
Finally, I came up with a equation that would sum up my feelings for Meenu. E = sin(pπ). Where E was the excitement, and p the probability of occurrence of the outcome I expected. The excitement was maximum when there was 50℅ probability of a positive or negative outcome, and zero for a certain or impossible outcome.
Meenu was really an angel... She made me think beyond myself and the current knowledge. Meenu was my soul and heart. I wanted a cent percent probability in winning her. Well I was biased, because I was a part of the system. And even then the proposal would give me excitement. I ruminated throughout the night, and I came up with biasness that arises out of being involved in a probability event.
Meenu was unknown to the development that was undergoing in my mind. 

 I was curious to know what went on in the lives of Meenu and her sisters. Meenu would work late, and wake up quite early. She helped her mother in doing household chores. I would try to see often what they did. Maybe I was being a nosy neighbor. But I wasn't. There were times I didn't see Meenu for quite many days. My heart would yearn for her. Sometimes I was devoted to my studies. Sometimes, I was devoted to loving Meenu. Sometimes I was more focused on my career. Balancing was natural for me, because I had but one rival who was my close friend. And in my heart I felt, Meenu had chosen me.
I lived in a world of cut throat competition, and it was natural for those in the race to ignore the surroundings. I was least interested in anyone except my work and Meenu.
There was a time, I wanted to play colors with Meenu. I told her my intention. And she agreed. She waited, until I had smeared colour on her face. That was the one touch that bled my heart, and stayed with me forever. I got to touch the face of my beloved. She was happy and so was I.
November, December and January went flying by. I would study out on the terrace in the cold winter sun. Meenu would come upstairs, for a breath of fresh air. I wanted to talk to her, and I would try to seek words that would start a conversation. I feel now, it was more from my side. I had my books, and would look at Meenu when she was there. Would she be my wife? The thought crossed my mind several times.
But I continued ploughing on my works. I had to master mathematics and physics. Love affectation could hold for a while. My eyes expressed love, but it never came out of my mouth. I expected Meenu to understand my feelings without speaking a word.
The art of saying everything without speaking a word! Eyes betray love, truth, admiration and respect.
My exams were over in the warm summer. And it was time for me to leave. Bidding farewell was the toughest part. I was selected in a Medical College. It was supposed to be a great achievement. I was a physicist and a mathematician by heart, and here I had switched my career. Medical School had better prospect and reputation in the country.
I had thoughts of the future, the bright prospect a medical college would bring. I would be a doctor. I thought Meenu would be happy for me.
It was time to go. I had packed my things. I wrote a letter addressing Meenu. I expressed my love for her, and poured my heart's content in that letter. I kept the letter inside a note-book (of Meenu) in the terrace room and instructed the servant to let Meenu know that there was something in the notebooks. 

In the evening, I bid audieu to Lisa, and Meenu's mother.
I told her mother, "I want to see Meenu, before I go." I had seen Meenu writing something while she sat on the porch, and had disappeared inside her room, once she had seen me outside.
Her mother went to call for her. A little while later, she returned, "Meenu is sleeping." I knew it was a lie. I wondered why Meenu didn't want to see me?
Why would she not meet me when I was going away? Maybe it would be our last moment together. She never liked me, I suppose. That's why she wouldn't want to see me. It was a moment where I felt, I had conquered the world but died in the battlefield. The glory would be reaped by someone else. With a heavy heart, I stepped down and turned my face away. My eyes were moist, but I couldn't be seen as a weak person. Men don't cry. Men don't cry. Men don't cry.
I went away quickly without turning back. That was the last day I saw of Meenu. I had loved her in a pure form. And maybe it was a test of love to remain separated for eternity.
I went to the Medical College, and adapted myself to the new environment. I waited for Meenu to reply or call me, if she could. But I never got any message from her side. 

Gradually, I moved on in life and met a girl whom I liked and started pursuing her. Meenu remained in the back of my mind. A girl who didn't loved me; someone who wouldn't even give me a last goodbye, and someone who never responded to my letter. 

My college life was going wonderful. I was with a girl who didn't reciprocate to my feelings, which made me aggressively chase her; and gradually Meenu faded away from my life.
One year passed, and one day, while I was reading the newspaper, I read of a police cop being transferred because he had fined the cricketer, MS Dhoni for having tinted dark glass in his car. I was a fan of Dhoni, and thought it served the cop right. Well, it was just another news for me, and I didn't much think of it.
Another year passed; my brother had to give NEET exam for getting into medical college. The centre was in the same city where I had studied and qualified for the medical college. I decided to accompany my brother to his exam centre. It was a way to remember old times. I had the opportunity and I thought of using it.
I went to my old city, and dropped my brother at his exam center. After which I thought of visiting old places. I went back to see the place where I had studied and where I so lovingly cared for my Meenu. Those old times and old memories crept in my mind when I saw familiar surroundings. Somethings had changed, some things were the same. I felt nostalgic. Old love crept into my heart and I longed to see Meenu. I wanted to know if she had moved on, gotten married and would be probably having a kid. Just two years felt like a vast span of time.
I went to Meenu's home. Lisa had grown big. She blushed when I talked to her. I realized she was no longer the same talkative girl I knew. There was a lurking gloom around the house and I couldn't decipher it. Meenu's mother came over and we talked about our old days, and my progress. She enquired about my work and how it was like being in the medical college.
I said it was excellent. But what lingered in my heart was Meenu. I wanted to know where she was. Everyone was there but Meenu. Finally I asked her mother, where Meenu was. She froze. Lisa didn't say a word. Finally, she whispered, "Gone! "
"What do you mean by gone?" I whispered.
"She is no more," Lisa broke in. There was silence. I didn't know what to speak. I didn't know how to react. Meenu was gone! The girl I once loved was gone. And I had not even a faint notion of it. Well for the past one year, I hadn't even thought about her. I was entirely focused on the woman in my college that Meenu had lost existence in my life.  

I stayed for a while wondering what to do. I looked at my phone. I felt it was time to go. Last time when I was bidding everyone goodbye, I desperately wanted to see Meenu. And now when I had come again, there was no Meenu. The feelings were mixed. I descended the steps with heavy thoughts, when Lisa came running after me. "Meenu had asked me to give you this, " she said, handing me a small diary. 

I looked into Lisa's eyes searching for an answer. "A car with tinted glass stopped by her when she was going to college, asking for directions." Lisa could say no more, and I couldn't hear anything else. 

At that moment I knew what emotional pain and grief was. I quickened my pace with Meenu's spirit hovering around me.